I remember being maybe 5yrs old and LOVING a certain dark blue jumper. I wanted to wear it every day. I remember waking up in the middle of the night and getting it out of the laundry just so I could wear it again.. I am not quite sure what happened but
somewhere along the way I discovered that I hated skirts and dresses and wanted to wear jeans, t-shirts, and hi-top sneakers. Was this a problem?
In the mid 1980s in upstate NY it was apparently NOT acceptable. I spent 2 years in high school being called "Gerald" for my choice in clothing. I was told straight out that it was because of what I wore and how I styled my hair.
So I got pink pants and a grey sweater with pink teddy bears on it.
I got a perm in my hair..
And I felt like a clown.
I hated myself..
I wanted to feel comfortable in my skin, but I was not sure how to do that. So I went back to being a tomboy.. playing sports and wearing jeans and sneakers. I accepted that I should be able to wear what I want or cut my hair the way I want in able to feel comfortable in my own skin. This discovery, in conjunction by the way my parents and grandmother raised me, shaped my parenting decisions.
When Jaxen was a baby I gave him dinosaurs, super hero toys, and dolls to play with.. I made him camo, tattoo, & batman diapers. I also made him pink and rainbow sponge bob diapers.. I dressed him in jack skellington onesies and pink piggie baby legs... I had high hopes to have an alternapunk boy. But, more importantly I wanted him to be himself and not stick him in a certain genderhole.
What does jaxen love at the age of 5 and 1/2? Hello Kitty and anything Pink.
Does he like dinosaurs? a little.
Does he like superheros? Yes... the power puff girls..
Do I push this on him? Not at all.
Do I discourage it? Why would I?
I am distressed to learn that some of the biggest voices railing against my decision to not stifle Jaxens preferences and self expression are coming from within the LGBT community itself. I would think that I would have more of a support system from within the community.
Does he think he is a girl? nope.
Does he like boys? nope.
Would either of those things really matter if he did? nope.
He likes to wear pink. He loves hello kitty. He likes to paint his nails. Why in the world would I tell him no? What purpose would that serve other than to crush his idea of self? He is an outgoing, confident, loving boy. I would not have him any other way. Why
would I force him to adhere to social pressures that I do not believe in? If he is happy in his own skin with his pink crocs on and his pink hello kitty back pack, who am I to tell him that he is wrong? I refuse to do that to him. Why should I deny him something that he is attracted to because of an arbitrary decision in the 1940s by store marketing campaigns? I refuse to do it.
So judge me if you will.
I am not going to make him be something that he is not in order to please other people.
He is not hurting himself or other people,
Why would I discourage him from being comfortable in his own skin?
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